Obsession

That seems to be the story of my life.  I’m always obsessed with something.  And while that can be amazing, it can also make me lose sight of other areas of my life.  And that’s usually not good.
For the past week, I’ve been weeding through my piles of stuff to sell, and I’ve actually been killing it on Craigslist!  I’ve posted 75 things, and I’ve sold 7.  Which may not sound like much, but it’s a start.  And it’s made me enough money to pay for our groceries and gas for the week.  Score!
What has felt the greatest is that I feel proud of myself for trying.  When we have a garage sale in a few months, I won’t feel bad letting things go for pennies.  I’ll know that I put in the effort and tried to recover more of our money.  And somehow, that feels just as good as actually making the money.  It mostly feels good because I just cannot even explain how many things I bought and used once.  Or never.  Such a waste.
Our debt is mostly clothes we rarely wore (we spend most of our time in PJs/lounge clothing or J in his work uniform) or products we bought and rarely used.
I have to say that this experience has taught me a lot.  Shopping is so much fun – I won’t lie.  But this part is NOT fun.  And having unnecessary clutter in my life is not fun.  Even if we had all the money in the world, it doesn’t make sense to buy things left and right unless I just feel 100% certain and excited about them.  Whether that means clothes or items.  It doesn’t break my heart to spend a ton of money on things that we use and use and use.  When we’re done using those things, that’s fine.  I could give them away.  But when you know you spent $300 on a light meter (photography) that you ended up using less than 5 times, it’s awful.  Thankfully, that’s one of the things I was able to sell already.  But I still lost half of what I spent.  And that is just the tip of the iceberg.
I’m always looking for the silver lining in life.  Well, these days.  Before, I was Miss Negative Nelly and it killed me to search for the positive in anything.  Anyway, the silver lining is that I’m hopefully finally learning my lesson.  Every time I think I want this, or want that, I need to remember how my house was filled with the stuff that I thought I had to have.  And how it just served to make my life miserable.
So all of that was to say that I’ve been completely obsessed with selling, selling, selling.  And then on Sunday, I spent hours doing our family portraits.  And so then I was obsessed with getting those edited and posted.
So unfortunately, my obsession with eating right and exercising fell to the wayside.  And while on the whole, my eating was fine, I had a gain for the week.  And that always stinks.  And now I’m having trouble getting the energy back to actually exercise.  And that usually leads to cheating.
Boo.  I’m seriously just ready to be at the maintaining portion of this journey.  Trying to lose weight is getting so old.  And what I mean by that is that I’m tired of counting calories and I’m tired of trying to only eat 1200 calories a day.  I love to eat about 1500 calories.  And sometimes I feel like I’m failing if I don’t restrict down to 1200. Even though that’s super silly.  I don’t have that much weight left to lose.  I am okay if I lose a pound a week.  Right?
Okay, that’s the end of the pity party.  I just needed to get it out there and now I’m done.
Someday soon all of this “prep” work for our life will be over (J in school, sorting through our clutter/organizing our life, debt being paid off, losing the final weight) and we will be moving on to the next chapter.  The goal I suppose is learning to love the journey that we’re on NOW.  There is so much joy in our everyday lives.  So I gotta tell myself to slow down and enjoy the little moments.  Enjoy the lessons and learn every single thing I can.
Mostly, I’m hoping to cherish the hardships so we can absolutely appreciate what our future will hold.  Because it’s bright and it’s going to be beautiful.  Beautiful, I tell you!
And I know most of you have seen these already, but I wanted to have them on the blog and not just the Facebook page.  So here are a few of the images from our photo session:

It is sessions like these that remind why I love photography so much.  And I am actually good at it!
On another note, I posted a before and after on my FB page today that got a huge response.  And it made me feel so great!  Again, wanted to make sure I put it on the blog.  By the way, I am thisclose to 600 “fans” now.  I feel so famous!
Left – mid 2008 (225ish lbs) ; Right – Feb 2012 (140 lbs)
It’s weird how I love finding horrid looking pictures of myself.  I always deleted them, so it’s good to find one that someone else took.  And the above pic was not even at my highest weight!  Cray-zay.
Now I’m done with this post and I’m about to get my workout on.  I need it.  I need to feel re-energized!  We are seriously watching our money so any extra classes (yoga, zumba) aren’t happening right now.  And that’s okay.  There are no good excuses – I can get it all done at home!
Who is with me?!