Sad Face Day

It’s been a while since I just posted about my day, so I’m gonna do that.

Today was one of those off days where you just feel down in the dumps for no good reason.  My dad came over at 7am to help J put plastic over our windows.  Our house was built in the 1950s, and our gas bills jumped from $40 a month to $350 in December, $405 in January, and $525 in February.  We just moved here in April, so we were NOT expecting that to happen.  And we were definitely not budgeting for it.

So we’re trying anything to figure out what the heck is going on.  I turned the furnaces (we have two) down to 66 and 70 degrees, and that did no good.  We had the gas company out to check for leaks…none.  So the plastic window coverings were the next step.  Thankfully, they are clear, so it doesn’t look too bad.  And tomorrow, the HVAC guy will be out to check one of the furnaces.  It doesn’t seem to be blowing the air out of the vents very hard so it’s constantly running.

Anyway, isn’t that fun stuff?  I will say that we’ve been fortunate enough to be able to pay the bills, even though we didn’t expect them, so I’m not complaining too much.  Shit happens!  And since we rent from my dad and stepmom, I appreciate that he’s trying to do everything he can to figure out the problem.

Aside from that, I felt a bit overwhelmed.  Wednesday is dance class day, plus I’ve been fitting in grocery shopping as well.  Also, J ended up having to work tonight, so my stepmom agreed to watch the kids while I was at dance.  Plus, I had schoolwork to do with the kids as usual.  On top of that, my dining/entry area is completely covered in totes and clothes and toys.  And so is part of the den.

You know how I’ve mentioned my propensity to shop?  A lot?  Well, it has taken over my life and I just have so. much. crap.  And it’s not even all crap.  It’s just a lot of stuff that we do not need.  So I’m trying to figure out what to do with all of it.  Obviously, a garage sale is one idea.  But part of me is just being impatient, and part of me thinks I could make more money if I try to sell some of it online.  If you haven’t been following along for a while, let me just tell you that the spending habits have created a bit of a debt problem.

And I am the first to admit that I am lazy.  Like, really lazy.  So I would love to just pack all of this stuff up and dump it somewhere.  Whether it be Goodwill or a shelter.  Could it help a lot of people?  Probably.  But I have to be a grown up and finally act like one and try to recoup some of the money I’ve spent.  To pay on that aforementioned debt. 

So anyway, that’s been weighing on me today.  How can it not?  It’s making it hard to just get in the door.  But I’m hoping that it sitting there will help motivate me.  I’ve started taking images of the toys so I can post the bigger ones online.  I just am scared I’m going to do a ton of work and no one will be interested in any of it.

I am happy to report that although it took me like 4 hours to make a menu for the week and then the grocery list, I did get to the store!  And I have to tell you that getting to the grocery store the past 6 weeks when I was supposed to, has been fabulous.  It has helped me so much this year.  I tend to do great with eating right until the yummy (read: fresh fruit) is gone, and then I end up putting off grocery shopping for a week or two.  And we start eating out like crazy.  This year, we have been phenomenal at not eating out!

To recap the rest of my day, my daughter and I rushed home from the store so J could get to work.  Then it was time to go to the kids’ dance class.  While I was there, the dance place let me know that my class tonight was cancelled.  Big boo!  I look forward to it all week.  But on the upside, I would have more time to get home and do schoolwork with the kids.

So ironically, after that grocery shopping, we grabbed Subway and headed home.  (I said we were doing great, not banishing restaurants altogether!)  We ate and then started schoolwork.  It did not go well.  It’s like some days it’s smooth sailing, and then some every lesson is super difficult.  It’s days like today that I question my ability to teach my kids.  We suspect that my oldest has Aspberger’s which for him means that he is crazy intelligent, but he struggles with questions that don’t have a clear right or wrong answer.  He loves math, for example, because there are no gray areas.  And he does great with spelling, reading, and grammar.  But he is absolutely petrified of giving a wrong answer even though we have yet to give him a beating for answering wrong. :)

We are finally having him formally testing in just under two weeks and I’m crossing fingers and toes, and sending many prayers that we get a diagnosis for what we know to already be true.  And then I’m hoping that the diagnosis may help get his school to modify his lessons a bit.  And if you have wondered why I’m so set on homeschooling when it’s not the easiest option, this is a main reason why.  I refuse to let him fall between the cracks when I’m home and have the ability to give him one-on-one attention.  But obviously I’m terrified that I’m making things worse for him because it is super easy to get frustrated when he won’t answer the questions.

And I have to stop and remind myself that if he knows the answer, he has no problem giving it to me.  But the lessons dictate that he answer questions that he cannot figure out, and it’s really difficult to know how much help to give.

Fun, huh?

We didn’t even finish the lessons.  There’s always tomorrow, right?

But on a brighter note, I decided to get in my exercise.  My daughter helped me do the 99 workout, and even though I didn’t kill it, I did do it!  And although I really just wanted to snack, snack, snack tonight, I didn’t do it!

Yay for progress!

And I wanted to update you all on a few things.  First, I have curtailed my spending and I am so freaking proud of myself!  I know one thing and it is that I shop when I feel bad about myself.  Ta-da!  I’ve been feeling great and I haven’t been spending!  Suze Orman says, “You spend more when you feel less than.”  Or something like that.  So. Absolutely. True.

We’ve been watching her weekly shows on OWN and I have to be honest, it’s turned our stomachs.  We have dug such a whole for ourselves, and there is definitely a fear that we won’t be able to climb out.  But I truly believe that if we put forth the effort, that it will somehow happen.  So I’m thinking positive, baby!

Also, I challenged myself to stop picking at my face and start drinking more water.  I have been doing great with the face, not so much better with the water.  I have absolutely no excuse.

And, I mentioned before that I was just not digging TaeKwonDo, but that I was going to stick it out until March.  I lied!  I went just a few times after getting my yellow belt, but I just realized it doesn’t make sense.  Who I am letting down?  NO ONE!  Duh.

Same thing with my weekly running with my cousin and her friends.  I’ve been dreading it each week.  I love the social time, but they go running at 9am.  I know that’s not early for most people but it is for this night owl!  And they just run way longer than feels right for me (6+ miles).  In total fairness, my cousin offered to “pick me up” at the Y halfway through their run so I could just do half of it, but I still just don’t feel like it’s for me.  And I have been doing sooooo great with my exercise, it doesn’t make sense to do something that I don’t love.  Even if I feel like I’m disappointing my cousin.  I feel so grateful that she invited me to join them on their weekly jogs, but that doesn’t mean it has to be for me.

And on top of that, we are cancelling our Y membership because $80 a month for me to go there once a week to run outside?  It doesn’t make sense.  J and I really thought we would go aaaaaaaall the time together since there is day care.  But guess what?  We have literally been there one time together, and it was the day we joined!  Major fail!

Speaking of the weekly jog though, I’m planning on going in the morning for the last time.  Sooooo I should probably get to bed.

Let’s hope tomorrow is an “on” day where I feel awesome all day to make up for today.  All in all, I feel great about my choices today.  I just hate that overwhelmed feeling that I totally put on myself.

Ahhh, it felt good to get all of that out.  If you’re still reading, thank you! :)  Hope we all have a fabulous Thursday!

Comments

  1. Richelle Ross says

    Oh good, you are human!!! :) I hope you have a super fantastic thursday!!! My work out buddy has yet to complete the full 99 workout. Guess what? This girl is going Jillian Michaels on her today and we are going to do the full thing. Even on your ‘off’ days you are the kind of inspiration I need!!! 😀

  2. says

    Thank you Richelle! And yes, I am totally human haha! I still have down days for sure, I just try to remind myself that most of the pressure I feel is caused by ME. No one else cares. I can’t wait to hear how you KILLED the workout! It makes my heart sing to know that I am inspiring you. <3 Thanks for always being there, reading and commenting!

  3. says

    Wish I could read your whole post but my ADD and the fact that it’s 6:05AM and I haven’t been to bed is in the way. Wanted to give you a heat tip :) We have issues because our funace is upstairs and the thermostat is downstairs but it takes forever for the downstairs to heat up then the furnace will time out before the thermostat is happy. SOOOOO We have a small heater downstairs that pretty much provides most of our heat to make the thermostat happy. We only run it when we’re home and down here. I turn the thermostat down at night so we don’t get too hot at night. Our gas bill used to get to the $400s but then we went on the budget. Our electric only went up about $30 bucks a month when we started using the heater but our gas didn’t jump much at all. This is the third year I think. Also, if you have a fireplace, it can be like a whole in the side of your house. Make sure you put plastic on it as well or cover it with a sheet or something. Hope some of this helps. Our heater was only $40.

  4. says

    Thanks for the heating tips Sarah! We do have space heaters going right now, and the HVAC guy will be back today. It looks like there IS something wrong with our furnace. I will definitely put plastic over the fireplace….good idea! Thanks for half-reading haha!! :)