Feeling Blah

Some days, I tell ya, I’m so giddy and excited I could pee my pants.  And then there are days where I just feel ick and blah for no apparent reason.  I’m fairly certain that I’m not the only one who goes through this so I figured I’d write a post.  Plus, you fine people always make me feel so great when you respond to my blog posts!  And that always cheers me up.

Oh wait, look I took a self portrait.  I was waiting for my sister-in-law to feed my nephew so I could grab some more images of him.  So here we go…

Okay, that was exciting because I totally was checking myself out in that mirror.  I think I look pretty great.

Back to my debbie downer post.

Thankfully, we’ve been a little better with the not eating out thing but I have not exercised at all.  I’m so frustrated with myself but apparently that isn’t motivating me enough to actually do something about it.  Tonight though?  I will!  J went out and ran today after work.  So of course I have to do something or he’ll beat me for the day.  I’m such a loser.

I have to say that last night I had a panic moment.  You know, I’m measuring myself every three weeks and taking pics every six.  You can see those pictures here and here.  Well, I couldn’t remember if this week was a picture week.  And I definitely do not want to take pics this week.  I’m fairly certain my body will not look better – it likely looks worse.  Oops.  But not really oops because that sounds trivial. More like, f**k. (I’m married to a sailor so you know I have a mouth on me, right?)

The good news is that I was off by a week, so I have another 7 days to maybe do something positive with my body.  Fingers crossed!

So what else?  Well, I mentioned on Facebook that I think I’ve been dehydrated.  After talking with Becky tonight, I think it might be an iron deficiency too. (She’s always so full of useful info!)  I have been feeling lightheaded so much.  And some days I feel nauseous, although I think that is attributed to the colds going around.  But mostly I just feel exhausted.  I have zero energy to do anything.    And while I don’t always feel like I’m full of adrenaline, I don’t normally feel awful like this.  I was swinging on the swings yesterday with my kids and dad at the park and I had to get off of them.  I felt like I had downed 5 shots of tequila and the world was spinning.  So fun! :)

Anyway, I’m gonna actively try to do better and I’ll report back.  I hope it improves!  More water, and a multivitamin per Becky.  Gonna do it.  Gonna lay off the damn coffee.

That really explain why I feel so blah.  But there is other stuff.  And I’m writing so I might as well share.  Because we BOTH know you care.

So I’ve been really ratcheting up my photography stuff lately and I’ve been SO proud of my sessions.  And I revamped my pricing to actually be less than what I was charging before.  Well, I don’t know if I thought that the magical client fairy would come and sprinkle me with dozens of inquiries.  But what I do know is that I am likely the most impatient person known to man.  Really need to work on that.  So what I am trying to say is that I am antsy and I want to take portraits!  ๐Ÿ˜‰  And since everything isn’t all happening right.this.minute, it just isn’t fast enough.  How old am I again?

I just don’t want things to happen like they did before.  When I feel like no one wants to hire me, I start to believe that I am not good.  And I am just starting to realize that I am good.  Definitely not at everything, but at what I do.

But look at my handsome nephew that I do get to photograph anytime I want:

Aren’t I a lucky gal?  Yessiree.

And the last thing weighing on my mind.  If you’ve been around a while, you know that my hubby J is going to school full time and working full time-ish (as many hours as he can get!).  And in addition to that, he is in the Navy Reserves.  So it’s safe to say that he’s a busy guy.  And stressed.

We have been living in a sort of temporary-ness for the past three years since he got out of the Navy (active duty).  Well, he graduates in June and I guess the scary part is here.  What if all of this work was for nothing?  What if he can’t get his dream job?  What if his hours at his current job get cut? What if, what if, what if?

Well, here’s the thing about me.  I’m not worried.  I am not religious at all, but I do have faith in something.  God, the universe.  Something.  And we have always been okay.  Through every scary time, through every period of uncertainty, things have worked out.  Even if it hasn’t been how we thought it should.  I can look back and I’m grateful.

So anyway, I just know things will be fine.  But J is worried.  And that sucks.  He feels like it’s all riding on him.  And I’m sure he’ll just love that I’m writing about him. (Sorry honey.)  But I just am not worried at all and I wish I could infuse that faith into him.

You guys know I’ve posted repeatedly that I plan to be rich someday.  I just feel like it’s gonna happen. Well, I think maybe I should’ve kept my thoughts to myself?  Because now J is worried he won’t be everything I need him to be.  But seriously, we’ve been together 14 years.  While I would love to be his trophy wife someday (lol), I’ll also be perfectly happy to just each be comfortable in what we do.

This year is just going to be a big rollercoaster of emotions for us.  I am fairly certain of that.  I am so excited for the adventure and I hope that J can see what everyone else in our lives does: he is going to be a success no matter what he does.

So no, I’m not worried at all.  And if all those people who need portraits done would contact me, that would help alleviate some of his fears. LOL.  Oh come on, you know I’m hilarious.

Oh, I hate when my posts are all doom and gloom.  My life is so freaking good that I should never have days like this.  But we all do and while I try not to complain constantly, sometimes I just need to vent.  And I appreciate all of you who listen to me!

I know I haven’t been very supportive to anyone lately (especially my journey buddy, booooo).  I’m so wrapped up in myself that I can’t even think about what info to post on the blog that would be helpful.  And for that, I do apologize!  I try to post things when I feel inspired, and nothing has just come to me lately.

Re-reading this post, I am just totally annoyed with my whininess.  Whatever.  It’s out there and I just hope I get through this funk soon.  Because I am not a fan.  At all.


  1. Richelle says

    Oh Nicole I just want to give you a big giant hug!!! Pull yourself up out of that rut, start walking, riding your bike, dance withe the kiddos. have fun with life! keep building your portfolio with what your can, if I lived closer id let you be my photographer!! shine on sister!!!

  2. says

    Richelle, thank you! I am going to ride my bike tonight! I have a great life and I want to appreciate it! And thank you for the compliment! You are the best!

  3. says

    I would so love to motivate you but I can’t motivate myself. If Michael was home I would totally learn how to run and go with you. I seriously hate to run but deep down I want to love it, LOL!

  4. says

    Sarah, thanks girl! Well, maybe when he gets home we can go LOL! And I totally understand! I don’t love it either but I sooo want to!

  5. says

    You are a great journey buddy so shut it. You know what to do so now do it! Talk to me or watch a show while you bike, dance with your kiddos, compete with J in the 99, run with Avery (don’t anger the neighbor dogs though), go on family or friend (hint hint) bike rides, eat simply, keep learning and putting yourself out there with photography, and mostly believe and trust in yourself. You are amazing, creative, inspiring, talented, fun, smart, beautiful, and driven! You are going o do amazing things in your future. Look at all the amazing things you already have done! Utilize me as your journey buddy and friend. I’m always here to support you, listen to you, help you, get you into a new activity wether you like it or not, and motivate you. You are amazing! Never forget that!

  6. says

    Becky, I don’t know what else to say but THANK YOU. Thanks for always supporting and believing in me. And for always offering to help me in any way you can! It means the world to me. Truly! I will do this!

    Richelle, LOL!