Waiting

Hurry-Up-and-Wait

Well I had my little girly meltdown last week but it was quite therapeutic to get it out and onto the blog.  Plus, J and I finally communicated a bit more and (Dad – cover your eyes) we’re on the same page regarding my loose skin and hanky panky.  In other words, J avoiding those problem areas was making it worse for me when he thought that I would prefer it.  The absolute ONLY reason I’m sharing that tidbit is because it might save one of you some heartache in the future.  Sometimes we don’t even know WHAT to communicate but when we figure it out, it makes a huge difference.

Soooo…I’m thankful that I feel much better this week.  I honestly never really put much into the whole female monthly cycle thing, but I notice a definite change in my body and my attitude at different parts of the month these days.  I need to keep a little calendar of my moods to see how it varies week to week.  Something like this maybe?  Day one – bitchy.  Day two – bitchy.  Day 13 – mega bitchy.  Day 22 – off-the-charts bitchy.

The good news is that J says he loves my bitchy attitude.  That’s the secret to my thousand-year marriage, kids.  Find a man who gets turned on by your attitude.

Okay so we are still waiting to hear if J is actually leaving in two weeks.  They were supposed to make their final approval of the date today but we never heard.  J is done with his regular job so we have the next two weeks together either way I guess.  Let’s just hope his job will put him back on the schedule if the news we hear is not good!  But the truth is, if they come back and say that something changed, I’ll just have to know that it’s for the best.  I have to believe that it’s for the best no matter what happens.  But I’m ready to know and I’m ready to know, like, NOW! :)

On another note, I received my official acceptance letter from UMass Lowell and today I registered for classes!  I’m going to attempt three – Statistics, General Psychology and Spanish.  I took three years of German in high school and I did not retain much at all, so I’m hoping Spanish goes a bit better.

I’m already a little blown away by the textbook costs.  I believe I’ve found the cheapest prices on the web and it’s still going to be $300 for the three classes.  My Spanish textbook is the biggest expense, but I’ll be able to use that for at least a few semesters.

I’m still so freaking excited though that I don’t even care how expensive it is!  As long as my financial aid goes smoothly so I can pay for my classes, I’ll deal with the books.  I am going back to school guys!  This is REALLY happening!  One of my babies pointed out that I’ll be “homeschooled” too, haha!  How cute is that?!

We are busy getting everything in order for J to leave so life is quite busy these days.  I was still reading novel after novel until just a couple of days ago.  It’s funny how I move from addiction to addiction.  Right now, it’s Farm Frenzy.  But I think the major factor in slowing down the reading was that I’m spending my time teaching the kids now, so I just have a purpose again.  I am absolutely enjoying having all three of them in school.  My youngest is so eager to learn and I love it.  It’s been taking me about four hours a day to complete all three kids’ lessons and J is helping when he can too.  We have hit a few speed bumps with my oldest and his perfectionism, but we are making progress.

Today we spent the day working around the house – finally doing crap that should have been done months ago.  It feels so good to get it done.

I’m past the whole denial issue with the deployment.  Yesterday I started to really realize that things could go wrong here at home with J gone.  What happens if I need something done at the house or if one of our kids gets hurt?  I have my parents here so I obviously do have help.  And I realized yesterday how grateful I am that my dad is supportive of this whole thing happening because I’m pretty sure I’m gonna need him a lot over the next 14 months!

But in reality, I think this is probably pretty normal.  It just finally hit me all at once.  I first dealt with the emotional part of this, but now I’m thinking of all the real, physical issues that could arise because I’ll be here alone.  And I’m really starting to get scared that something could happen to him.  I want to just pretend that he’s invincible but it’s simply not true.  And there have been so many American deaths in Afghanistan reported on the news lately.

I think J and I are both wondering if we are totally and completely insane to think this is a good idea.  It still does feel right – I’m just scared.  So scared.  And money isn’t everything.  It isn’t.  But starting the rest of our life without the burden of debt could be everything.  So we may be crazy, but as long as he comes back with a healthy mind and body, it will be worth this sacrifice.  I have to believe that.

So that is my update.  My weight was astronomical today.  We had the kids’ birthday party this past weekend and I have been eating about 6 times my fair share of cake the past few days.  It’s gone now though.  I may never learn when it comes to cake.  I may never be able to have sweets in my house again without ODing on them.  The good news is that our dining out has slowed down, but I better get my ass to the grocery store tomorrow.  Fun, fun!

Okay that really is all now.  Oh!  Except I wanted to report that we finally watched The Hunger Games and I loved it!  I kept putting it off because no way could it be as good as the books, but I was very pleasantly surprised.  Of course, it’s still better to be immersed in a novel, but they did a fantastic job with the film.  Two thumbs up.

Sorry for the boring ass blog post.  No drama, no excitement, no nothing.  I’m not really complaining though – life is about get plenty interesting.  I’ll update when I know more because I know you are all on pins and needles!

Oh wait, I do have some excitement to share!  A gigantic congratulations to my girl Becky Bee on her pregnancy!!  Since she has suffered quite a few miscarriages, I’ll hope you’ll join me in sending some extra good thoughts and prayers her way.  Her precious miracle daughter would love to have a miracle sibling!  You can see the little bean’s first “picture” on B’s facebook page.

Comments

  1. Anonymous says

    You CAN survive!!1 My husband is a contractor in Afghanistan. Most of the time I feel he is safer there then we are here. At least he has armed guards :) We have shootings at our shopping malls :( I have learned how to do alot of things myself that I NEVER imagined I would have to do. Including killing spiders 😉 I was so dependent on him and others, and this job of his is the best thing that could have happened for us.

    • says

      Hi and thanks for posting!! You are absolutely right. He carries a gun at his current job so I suppose he is at risk every time he leaves the house. Is your husband gone for long periods? I have done deployments before but we’ve never been apart for more than 90 days in our nearly fifteen years together. And he’s never been overseas unless you count UNDER the sea. But thank you for reminding me that I will be okay and that I can handle anything here. Even the crap stuff like killing spiders and taking out the trash, haha! Thanks again!

  2. Anonymous says

    First, let me say, I have been following you on Facebook and you are such an inspiration. My goal is also 150 pounds but I am having trouble even getting to “onederland”. My husband signs contracts for a year at a time. He comes home for 3 weeks every 6 months or so. I think we are actually on year 5 of this. He just keeps re-signing. Everyone wonders how I survive without him but now I am so used to the way things are I think it would be strange to go back to actually living together full time ;)My name is Kim by the way, Kimberz6 on Facebook :)

    • says

      Okay, FIVE years?! Oh my goodness. J joked about staying for a second year but the idea of it makes me want to throw up. How long have you guys been together? Were you together most of the time before this? My mind is reeling LOL. But hey, whatever works for you is great. Most people couldn’t imagine living the schedule that we have for the past uh, always, of our marriage. J works insane, irregular hours. I can’t even imagine him having a 9-5! Okay, anyway, I got sidetracked.

      Thanks for following along my journey! And I know how hard it is, but you CAN do it. I’m even wondering now if I can re-lose this weight I’ve gained. But I CAN do it. We just both have to want it more than we want to eat junk and be lazy (speaking for ME on that one for sure).

      So hi Kim! Stop by anytime and I so appreciate your input! Please keep me updated on your progress!

  3. Anonymous says

    We actually just had our 21st anniversary in March. His first year gone was actually with the Army on deployment and he liked the oppurtunities he was offered (travel, pay, education) so he just keeps re-signing those contracts. We have 5 kids together and the youngest 3 (12,8,3) just think that this is how life is. It’s all the littlest 2 can remember. I can’t say I would do it again but we can provide so much for our family that we couldn’t with a “regular” job that most days I don’t mind the sacrifice. I just hope my kids don’t regret it later.

    • says

      Okay, whoa! 21 years and just the last 5 have been like this? What an adjustment you had to make! I am in awe! Plus the fact that you have had a baby/toddler throughout. I can’t imagine if my kids were that young during this year. I’ve been thinking how grateful I am that they are so self-sufficient, especially because they are all around 24/7.

      Well I believe we can get used to just about anything. And I hope the same thing for your kids and mine. I never want there to be any resentment from any angle. We all just have to do what is best for our family – even if it doesn’t make a bit of sense to someone else. Thanks for sharing your story. I haven’t known anyone else whose husband was a contractor over there!