Well I had my little girly meltdown last week but it was quite therapeutic to get it out and onto the blog. Plus, J and I finally communicated a bit more and (Dad – cover your eyes) we’re on the same page regarding my loose skin and hanky panky. In other words, J avoiding those problem areas was making it worse for me when he thought that I would prefer it. The absolute ONLY reason I’m sharing that tidbit is because it might save one of you some heartache in the future. Sometimes we don’t even know WHAT to communicate but when we figure it out, it makes a huge difference.
Soooo…I’m thankful that I feel much better this week. I honestly never really put much into the whole female monthly cycle thing, but I notice a definite change in my body and my attitude at different parts of the month these days. I need to keep a little calendar of my moods to see how it varies week to week. Something like this maybe? Day one – bitchy. Day two – bitchy. Day 13 – mega bitchy. Day 22 – off-the-charts bitchy.
The good news is that J says he loves my bitchy attitude. That’s the secret to my thousand-year marriage, kids. Find a man who gets turned on by your attitude.
Okay so we are still waiting to hear if J is actually leaving in two weeks. They were supposed to make their final approval of the date today but we never heard. J is done with his regular job so we have the next two weeks together either way I guess. Let’s just hope his job will put him back on the schedule if the news we hear is not good! But the truth is, if they come back and say that something changed, I’ll just have to know that it’s for the best. I have to believe that it’s for the best no matter what happens. But I’m ready to know and I’m ready to know, like, NOW!
On another note, I received my official acceptance letter from UMass Lowell and today I registered for classes! I’m going to attempt three – Statistics, General Psychology and Spanish. I took three years of German in high school and I did not retain much at all, so I’m hoping Spanish goes a bit better.
I’m already a little blown away by the textbook costs. I believe I’ve found the cheapest prices on the web and it’s still going to be $300 for the three classes. My Spanish textbook is the biggest expense, but I’ll be able to use that for at least a few semesters.
I’m still so freaking excited though that I don’t even care how expensive it is! As long as my financial aid goes smoothly so I can pay for my classes, I’ll deal with the books. I am going back to school guys! This is REALLY happening! One of my babies pointed out that I’ll be “homeschooled” too, haha! How cute is that?!
We are busy getting everything in order for J to leave so life is quite busy these days. I was still reading novel after novel until just a couple of days ago. It’s funny how I move from addiction to addiction. Right now, it’s Farm Frenzy. But I think the major factor in slowing down the reading was that I’m spending my time teaching the kids now, so I just have a purpose again. I am absolutely enjoying having all three of them in school. My youngest is so eager to learn and I love it. It’s been taking me about four hours a day to complete all three kids’ lessons and J is helping when he can too. We have hit a few speed bumps with my oldest and his perfectionism, but we are making progress.
Today we spent the day working around the house – finally doing crap that should have been done months ago. It feels so good to get it done.
I’m past the whole denial issue with the deployment. Yesterday I started to really realize that things could go wrong here at home with J gone. What happens if I need something done at the house or if one of our kids gets hurt? I have my parents here so I obviously do have help. And I realized yesterday how grateful I am that my dad is supportive of this whole thing happening because I’m pretty sure I’m gonna need him a lot over the next 14 months!
But in reality, I think this is probably pretty normal. It just finally hit me all at once. I first dealt with the emotional part of this, but now I’m thinking of all the real, physical issues that could arise because I’ll be here alone. And I’m really starting to get scared that something could happen to him. I want to just pretend that he’s invincible but it’s simply not true. And there have been so many American deaths in Afghanistan reported on the news lately.
I think J and I are both wondering if we are totally and completely insane to think this is a good idea. It still does feel right – I’m just scared. So scared. And money isn’t everything. It isn’t. But starting the rest of our life without the burden of debt could be everything. So we may be crazy, but as long as he comes back with a healthy mind and body, it will be worth this sacrifice. I have to believe that.
So that is my update. My weight was astronomical today. We had the kids’ birthday party this past weekend and I have been eating about 6 times my fair share of cake the past few days. It’s gone now though. I may never learn when it comes to cake. I may never be able to have sweets in my house again without ODing on them. The good news is that our dining out has slowed down, but I better get my ass to the grocery store tomorrow. Fun, fun!
Okay that really is all now. Oh! Except I wanted to report that we finally watched The Hunger Games and I loved it! I kept putting it off because no way could it be as good as the books, but I was very pleasantly surprised. Of course, it’s still better to be immersed in a novel, but they did a fantastic job with the film. Two thumbs up.
Sorry for the boring ass blog post. No drama, no excitement, no nothing. I’m not really complaining though – life is about get plenty interesting. I’ll update when I know more because I know you are all on pins and needles!
Oh wait, I do have some excitement to share! A gigantic congratulations to my girl Becky Bee on her pregnancy!! Since she has suffered quite a few miscarriages, I’ll hope you’ll join me in sending some extra good thoughts and prayers her way. Her precious miracle daughter would love to have a miracle sibling! You can see the little bean’s first “picture” on B’s facebook page.