Surgery Eve

It’s the day before my surgery.  I am halfway between wanting to cheer and wanting to cry.  My insides are jumpy and I’m feeling a little panicky.  Thankfully we have kicked ass in the last 8 days so there isn’t much we still need to do today in preparation.

We have to drive the kids out to the westside so they can spend a few days with their Gran (thanks Gran!), and then we need to head to the store to pick up groceries for the week.  I’ve been warned by a friend (thanks Chris!) who had the surgery a year ago that we need to have a meal plan.  She said it’s way too tempting to send the husband out for shitty take-out.  So we definitely have a meal plan.

I also need to pack for surgery and take a shower (and shave).  I just pre-registered, and they told me I need to wash with anti-bacterial soap.  Add that to my shopping list.  I think I’ll also do my hair because who doesn’t want to look fantastic when they’re getting cut apart and stitched back together?

Sidenote – I always think of the word “sliced” when I think of this surgery but somehow that gives me a worse mental picture that “cut”.  Why is that?

Anyway.  I talked to another friend who had her surgery a few months ago (hi Kristie!) and she suggested I bring a dress to wear home from the hospital.  I purchased a handful of nightgown maxi dresses from Target that are stretchy and super comfortable.  I think I’ll bring one of those.  They double nicely as a casual daytime dress.  She also mentioned grabbing a sleep bra, but said she found the ace bandages they applied to be more comfortable.  My surgeon mentioned that I would wake up wrapped in a saran wrap substance, but he didn’t specifically address my boob area.  So I think I’ll grab a sleep bra today to have on hand, and then we’ll see.

I’m really starting to think of all the things that can go wrong.  I want to be in denial, but I can’t.  What happens if I don’t make it off the table?  I did just fine with general anesthesia when I had my laparascopy 10 years ago, but that was like an hour long surgery.  This one is 8.5 hours.  That’s a long damn time.  And what if my recovery doesn’t go smoothly?  J has to be in Hawaii one month from today.  That means I have to be there as well.  It should be fine, but what if it’s not?  And the most likely thing that could go wrong is unsightly abnormally-wide scarring.  The point of this surgery is to improve my body. I hope it does that.  There are just so many variables and I have no idea what to expect.

And the pain.  I like to think I have a good pain tolerance, but other than drug-free childbirths and throwing my back out a few times, I really don’t have much to measure it by.

I’m scared.  I’m not so scared that I’m not excited, but I’m definitely feeling the fear.  I guess I’m just thankful that it waited until a few days before to hit.

• • • • •

Well it’s now 10pm.  It’s been a long and productive day.  We dropped the kids off and ran errands.  We picked up groceries for the next week and then came home to make dinner.  Minutes after we sat down to eat, the power went out.  Still not sure what that was about but it came on after 90 minutes or so.  J talked to the guy he’s replacing in Hawaii and he got the low-down on a few things.  We also got more information on our move and we got confirmation that the moving company will come in and pack our goods.  We figured as much, but it’s a relief knowing for sure.  That means J doesn’t need to fly home before the movers arrive to help me pack.

We went for a nice little bike ride – 5.5 miles in our surrounding neighborhoods.  It’s sad to think that I barely rode my bike at all in the last year but I’ve logged some serious miles in the past month.  I’m excited to get back to that in Hawaii.

Then we came home and I vacuumed the house while J folded clothes.  I finally feel pretty confident that I can relax in the next few weeks.  We have organized everything we can and I think there is nothing left to be done.  Okay, I can think of a few things.  But I’m trying to not focus on those things. 😉

I had J take a few ‘before’ pics of me.  I did my normal monthly pics a week early but then I also took some up close with my underwear folded down so you can really see all of my stomach and thighs.  He also took boob shots but I’m not sure I can censor those enough for public consumption.  But for the stomach and thighs, I figure they will be helpful in comparison to the ‘after’ images.  My hope is to take pictures monthly to show the progression of the scars and swelling.  That’s been my biggest question about the recovery – how fast do the scars fade?  So I hope my blog posts will be helpful for that.

So the entire day I felt very anxious.  But now?  I don’t know.  I’m nervous but with everything done and ready to go, I feel at peace.  I’m grateful for this experience and I’m grateful that I get to share it with others.  J will have both my dad and his mom up there tomorrow, so he won’t be in the waiting room alone.  That makes me happy.  He’ll be updating my HNIT FB page as he gets updates from the surgeons, so look for those.

And that’s everything.  We’re going to hang out and catch up on some TV.  And if I’m lucky, I’ll get a little sleep.  But hey, I have a definite nap scheduled tomorrow so who needs sleep?