Rough Day

Today has been a rough day.  First, I requested prayers last night for my mom & Roz’s puppy Riley.  Unfortunately, he didn’t make it through surgery.  His belly was filled with blood and Roz made the decision to let him go.  He had eaten a battery and they thought it was passing through his system.  But it hadn’t. :(

My two dogs are going to stay with them for 3.5 months until they can enter Hawaii (per the state’s rules).  I was a bit concerned that it would make things harder for them.  They have now lost 2 dogs in three months. (The other was old and her quality of life was not good.)  But thankfully both my mom & Roz feel like it will be good for them and their remaining pup Scooter.

It was harder than it probably would have been for me last night because my dog Astro has been having so many issues lately.  It makes sense that I would automatically freak out and think the same will happen to him.  But I’m happy to report that he’s been doing much better the last few days.  Today he was his normal self and he’s eating again.  No puke at all today.  Major win.

So J flew in around midnight last night.  I told the kids as we were leaving and there were squeals of excitement.  “We get extra time with Daddy!!”  But then they wondered if it meant he was leaving early.  But nope and yay.

We watched Sons of Anarchy and Breaking Bad and then we went to sleep around 3am.  I woke at 5am but then slept until 8am.  I was so frustrated because 5 hours is just not enough.  Thankfully, J encouraged me to try to fall back asleep and I was able to stay asleep until 10:30.  Soooo exciting.

But then I rolled over and realized that I was hurting.  A lot.  And the pain caused a huge wave of nausea to roll over me.  Something wasn’t right.  I had taken Aleve at 8:30 so I figured once I worked out the stiffness, I’d be okay.  But no.  This was a new pain in addition to the stiffness.  And it was awful.  So awful it reduced me to tears.  Lots and lots of tears.  It felt like someone was burning my hips with a lighter.  That’s the only way I can think to describe it.  In all this time, I don’t really remember having any hip pain.  But this was horrific.  And normally, if I lay in bed or sit in my recliner, I can get comfortable without being in too much pain.

But today, the pain only intensified.  God, I cried so much.  Poor J.  I’m so thankful he was there, but it’s so difficult to see someone you love in pain.  He texted his dad and I messaged my friend Meghan (an RN) and both suggested that it might be nerve pain.  So I called my surgeon’s office and the nurse said the same thing.  She spoke with my doctor and they prescribed me Neurontin.  I also talked to them about how the Aleve seems to be losing it’s effectiveness.  She said I could try Tylenol instead.  So even though it had only been 4 hours since taking the Aleve, I popped two extra strength Tylenol.

It helped some – but it was probably mostly in my head.  The burning pain remained.  J’s parents came by because J wanted to go look at a motorcycle.  Thankfully, his mom stayed with me while J and his dad went off to the dealership.  She was so sweet and did my dishes for me.  I just sat and cried.  Then my stepmom texted to check in on a few things about my dad’s party tomorrow.  Luckily, she was headed in my direction, so she offered to stop and grab my prescription.

So I took the Neurontin around 3pm.  And then Nicole became stupid Nicole.  You know, the one that slurs and can’t remember words.  Fantastic.  But hey – the hip pain dissipated and for that I’m so grateful.  But I’ve basically been stuck in my recliner all day.  I’m still in a good amount of regular pain. I basically feel like I’ve started over on recovery.  I know that’s not true, but it’s been a really hard day.  I have so much I needed to do today and I hate relying on others to do them for me.  So then I would cry about that.  A lot.  I really really really don’t like the Nicole that slurs.  It’s weird because I can sit and type just fine.  I’m not my normal witty self, but I can at least put together thoughtful sentences.  But when I talk outloud, I just talk really slowly and stumble over my words.

Anyway, J found a bike.  And it’s gorgeous.  It’s a Honda Shadow 750, and J looks like a sexy beast on it.  He got a great helmet as well with a shield and sunglasses.  I won’t be joining him for any rides for a while, but I’m so happy for him.  (And yes, it also scares the piss out of me simultaneously.)

I’m so grateful that his dad was there to help him pick something.  And his mom’s presence today was needed and appreciated.  I just needed someone to be here with me and baby me.

After they returned, we had some people come by that wanted to buy one of our TVs.  Then they got a look at our main TV and decided to buy that one as well.  Score!  $300 in my pocket!
Then before we knew it, it was after 8pm.  J made me some eggs and he and the kids ordered veggie pizza.  The eating out is ridiculous, but oh well.  Like I said, it’s been a rough day.
My backside sutures look much better.  The area was red and puffy yesterday, but today it looks much less pink.  I actually don’t think they are opening which is great news.  They are just seeping a little.  J’s mom helped me with the cream, gauze and tape back there.  So I think/hope it’s on the mend.
So now I’m sitting here while J ran to the store to get the things we needed for my dad’s party tomorrow.  And as much as I don’t want him to have to do it, I think he’ll be chopping the veggies.  He keeps saying it’s fine and that I’m annoying him more with my apologies, but this crap is just not okay. It’s my job (I volunteered to bring the veggies), but now I can’t do it.  Am I going to be like this all day tomorrow?  Ugh, I hope not.  The Neurontin is actually supposed to be taken at night, but the nurse said I could take it earlier today simply because I was in so much pain.  I’m just hoping that the overnight dose will alleviate the pain all day tomorrow?  I just don’t know.
I was supposed to do my volunteer call shift tonight on the crisis line, but I called the director and asked that he removed me.  Again, I feel so awful.  But there’s no way I can be helpful when I’m slurring.  Plus I just need sleep.  I’m so grateful that he wasn’t the least bit frustrated with me.  On the contrary, he said I did the right thing and wished me well.  He reminded me that I was on the upswing and that it didn’t mean I was really back at week 1.  Even though that’s how I feel.  And of course I broke down crying on the phone with him.  I’m such a mess.
I have things due for school today, but it’s just not going to happen.  I’m not really smart enough for my philosophy class anyway, but all drugged up?  Definitely no.  Oh well.  I can’t stress about it.  I should have done it yesterday, but I thought I had all day today.  But then all day today I just curled up under a blanket and tried not to cry.
J’s mom also says I have a fever and she says if it doesn’t break by tomorrow, I need to call the doctor.  She actually threatened me with bodily harm if I didn’t.  Ha.  But the only thermometer we have is one for the kids and I’m about 78% certain it was shoved up one of their butts as a baby.  So J is grabbing a new one at the store.  We’ll see.  Having a fever can mean an infection, even though my sutures look okay.  But maybe I have one internally?  My legs and stomach constantly feel hot, but I’m not sure what that means.
I don’t know.  I’m sorry for this mess of a post.  I won’t be able to blog tomorrow because I’ll be at my dad’s all day and night.  So I just wanted to put this out there.  I really hate this feeling, but all I can hope is that it’s just one tiny setback and that tomorrow I’ll be better.
Thanks for listening.  I’m so grateful to be surrounded by so many people that are supportive and loving.  No one made me feel like a big baby today.  Even though I totally was.  So with that, I’m going to sit here and do nothing until I fall asleep.  Night.