Well, I successfully sat here drinking my coffee, eating my breakfast, and chatting on Facebook so long that it was too late to make it to Body Attack at the gym. I’m even dressed. Teeth brushed. Socks on.
But oh well. I’m thinking I’ll go run intervals before it gets too hot outside.
Here’s my update for the past week. I couldn’t suck more at being on top of things.
Wednesday: Not only did I not do any cardio after I wrote my last blog post, I also didn’t log my food for the day. Fail. But we did go on our walk.
Thursday: We did an hour of BodyPump – and I kicked ass too. 342 calories in an hour. Plus we walked.
Friday: 3 miles of jogging intervals. We’re definitely improving. The first time we did these, I had to walk 2 minutes for every 1 minute jogged. Now, it’s 2 and 2 and I’m jogging at a speed that gets my heart rate up to 180ish. No formal walk that evening, but I still hit my 15,000 step goal because we hoofed it around my friend’s neighborhood to see the fireworks. But I also consumed a bunch of empty calories (Raz-ber-ritas are delicious!) sooooo oops.
But here are a few beautiful photos from that night:
(Those sunset pics are not edited at all…that’s exactly how the sky looked!!)
Saturday: We went snorkeling for 90 minutes without the kids. It was exhausting but such a great time. And we still went on our evening walk!
Sunday: No actual exercise and I didn’t log my food. But we did go on our walk.
Monday: We did BodyPump again, but I only burned about 275 calories. And I felt like I was doing a great job! And we walked.
Tuesday: I got my butt up and made it to BodyCombat at the gym. It was a fantastic class. I am still absolutely loving my new high-support bras. My boobs still bounce because they are gigantic (again), but it doesn’t hurt. So that was nice. And we also walked last night.
And that’s my last week in a nutshell! I have definitely not been netting a 1000 calorie deficit each day. I’ve had a bit too much alcohol and a few too many pretzels lately. But even on the days I didn’t log, it’s not like I went crazy or anything. I just didn’t count. I originally hoped to lose two pounds a week, but my work is really only enough to lose one pound. And that’s okay. As long as it’s moving in the right direction, I’m happy. (I’ve been fluctuating with some water weight this week, but I’m being patient.)
As I was sweating my ass off in class yesterday, I looked in the mirror and I realized that I’m morphing back into me. It’s happening slowly, but it’s not totally related to my size. I see a fierceness in my eyes that overshadows my flabby arms and cellulite-filled thighs. I see the determination that I had for a while – a determination that got lost in the midst of so many other things happening in life. I have no doubt that it’s all related to control. I feel the most productive and proud when I’m the one making decisions – when I’m not letting life just happen all around me.
I find that the days I feel down are the days I feel like I can’t get a good grasp on my future fast enough. Does that make sense? I get this urge to do everything ALL at once, but I’m not even sure where to start. So I just become super antsy and frustrated. But on those days, I try to do something productive. Anything. Write a blog post. Go for a walk. Do an hour of cardio. Make a new recipe. Take the kids out. Teach them something new. Just really anything. I just need to feel like I’m moving forward.
There is this line in the Orange Is the New Black theme song (by Regina Spektor):
“Taking steps is easy, standing still is hard…”
And it’s so very true.
I know I’m so redundant, but the point is that each time I figure out a little bit about myself, it goes a long way in creating a healthy mind. I don’t think I can ever truly knock out the bad days. But if I can find a way to ease them a bit, then that’s huge to me. It also helps me understand why I was stuck in such a deep pit for so long. I didn’t know a damn thing about who I truly was. I was working so hard on changing who I was, but I didn’t realize that I was already that person I wanted to be. I just didn’t know how to find her underneath the layer of bullshit that I had created. And I know I’m not the only one who does that. I think most of us don’t know ourselves. Do you?
But anyway, I’m feeling pretty good about my progress. My water intake has taken a total nosedive and hasn’t improved at all. Working on that.
As far as the rest of my life, I am really excited about things that are happening. I am making new friends, and I so love spending quality time with other adults. I’m reaching out and networking a lot more in the homeschooling community, and that feels nice. Scary, but nice.
The kids have connected with their peers over Minecraft, and seeing them having such a great time together is enough to melt a momma’s heart. And they are still loving their Parkour classes.
We’re still looking for a house to buy, and that process isn’t always the most fun. But I’m grateful that it’s even an option, and I’m hopeful that we’ll find the right place. How can it really be wrong when our neighborhood is less than a mile from these views?
I finally signed up for my fall classes! I missed out on two of the classes I really wanted to take because I waited too long. Next time, next time. So I’m enrolled in Native American History, Psychology and Women, and Spanish. I really disliked my first two semesters in Spanish, so I’m hoping I learn more in this one. Maybe if I put a bit more work into it? Yeah, that might help.
So after this semester, I’ll officially be halfway done with my BA in Psychology. Woot! I’m taking it slow and steady because honestly, I don’t want to start paying on my student loans before I’m ready to actually have a job.
And I think that’s everything. Things are going well. I’m moving forward, I’m in control, and my future is looking bright. I’m grateful that you all care enough to read my thoughts about it.